Preservation

[shiina]

Don’t pretend to know me
When you only know my name.
You talk about my maturity,
But have you seen yourself?
I don’t pretend to be happy to lie to myself,
I do it so my problems don’t hurt others.
Keeping to myself isn’t selfish,
It’s preservation.
I can take care of myself,
Especially because I have no other choice.
When the one time I ask for help,
It makes you assume that I’m helpless.
It doesn’t work that way.
It never will.
And when I’m alone, It’s by choice,
Not because I have nobody.
Because unlike you,
I have somebody.
And I can’t understand why you can’t see
That you’re alone by choice, too.
Yet you complain about being alone
When you won’t let anyone in.
So you hide behind masks,
And give excuses,
And I agree with you on one thing;
I am stupid.
Because I’m still standing at your door,
Waiting to be invited in.

[SÀMMIUS McGENNIEN]

This isn't the critique section, so I'll try to be brief. (Plus, I think my friend wants her laptop back. Go figure.) Overall, I enjoyed the contents. The message is clear and pretty deep, I think. Is there a specific inspiration about which you'd like to share? It might help to elevate my enjoyment! Either way, I already know that you've been through a lot, so your inspiration is plenty.

The rhythm was nice at first, but then I started to lose it. I tried to change it in my mind, but it didn't really work out. Any suggestions? Or ... I don't know how to explain it. XD I liked the content, but the rhythm didn't work for me.

However, I thought the poem worked well as something of a story. (I'm really not a "literature vocabulary" kinda guy.) This IS freestyle, so yay! How did you INTEND for it to be?

Hm...I hope nothing was taken offensively. D:

[JohnyDarko]

*claps* now who could this be about? >.> me thinks that your shock when you saw me on this site today may be a hint. I love how the lines are broken, and the use of a very loose rhyme structure. To me, this poem is every txt you have ever sent me, mixed and mashed into a poem that tells a story im all too familiar with. Or maybe I am being vain in thinking this song is about me~

The first read through had a rhythm, but I can't quite get it back in my head. So it is there, just faintly. It is very deep and the style seems fresh. good work

[shiina]

It's more of a trance-like rhythm and you really have to have lived the basing of this poem to get that rhythm for even a moment--I have no way of describing how you can obtain the rhythm my mind hears in it. And you're right John. It's about you *scratches neck*

[JohnyDarko]

have I taught you nothing about posting things on the internet you don't want everyone to see?

[Whimsical||MUSE;]

I'm not so sure about the "no rhythm" thing -- well, maybe it's an emotional state you have to reach. The first time I read this (a few days ago) my tongue stumbled and I couldn't quite make sense of how to read it. Today though, it flows rather nicely.

Anyway, I see strength in the poem, even if it's covered in excuses. Perhaps the poem should be called perserverence, instead of Preservation, because really, when there's no one around, and no one wants to look your way because they might drown too, what can you do but stand up again? There's only so far you can fall before self-disgust overcomes even your weakness. In the end, isn't it about looking at yourself in the mirror?

I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into it -- but I can't help but feel that despite the self-proclaimed idiocy it's a woman's strength to wait. Hopefully you won't wait too long though >.< It get cold outside, y'know?

[shiina]

Oh, I left not long after writing this poem. It does get rather cold. And I get fed up. But you pretty much got the intended message from the poem; and added to it. It's reallymostly about how I, and I know many others also do this, hide my emotions to keep others from being effected by them, and how it seems every time I open up even a little, it seems everyone suddenly hates me. So I bottle them up. as Jewel once wrote, "Walkin' that mile, fakin' that smile, all the while, wishing my heart had wings."

So, no, you didn't read too much into it. Not in the least, and you may be right. I chose Preservation, because I convince myself often that I do it to help myself; on those days that I get fed up with the world and want to convince myself that I'm the one gaining from holding my emotions back.

[SÀMMIUS McGENNIEN]

I suppose I should amend my previous reflection. I found a rhythm, though I did have to reread the poem again. The rhythm I found was like something from a poetry meet -- you know, those readings in those dark, mellow cafés? That was before I reconsidered the meaning of the poem, and that meaning is only fortified by the discussion that has been showcased here. (On that note, I shall be keeping my post brief, as I disagree with dirty laundry being aired and don't want to enter the discussion.)

I think that my judgement was a misconception in spite of my location. Now I see more vividly what's being displayed, which is something that is not affected by rhythm; not to me, at least. However, I will comment on the essence, based upon Circe and your discussion.

I'm not sure that I would agree with either perseverance or preservation being suitable titles. How are you preserving yourself? Closing yourself off keeps others from entering, but that doesn't keep you safe and whole; you're still hurting, and it's merely bottling up on the inside. This begs the question of why you convince yourself that it helps . . . yet you write this poem, which displays your pain, and merely reinforce the idea that you are hurting. You say in the poem that you do it to keep from hurting others, and this continues to improve the idea that you are not emotionally well. Nothing you've said has convinced me that preservation is the proper title, so please, do convince me otherwise.

As far as Circe's comment is concerned, I am confused. Unless I am mistaken, I don't think that the poem should only be reflected on women. No man ever goes through the same thing? Everyone, regardless of gender, must have strength. It helps that Shina is a woman, sure. She is also a human being, and I didn't sense any undertones that represented her battle as a female. I may be reading too far into her comment, but I have the right to express myself and so did. ;]

What I also interpret from the last eight lines is that both of you are the same. He hides. You hide, though for different reasons. You hide together, but separately. Why? The rest of the poem suggests that you don't understand why he does this, yet you yourself do it. Why? The poem itself is not hypocritical, but I do find a lot of hypocritical tones coming from the author. I say this because unless you intended it that way, the essence of the poem becomes rather jumbled. What is the meaning of it? I get that you're trying to explain why you hide and that you're telling him that his hiding is stupid, but how is that just? What is the purpose behind this poem, pray tell? Nothing has suggested to me that you are gaining anything from holding back.

Anyway, now that I'm home and can listen to music and respond without rushing, I have contributed my opinion. Comment complete.