The River

[shiina]

I can't remember if I ever posted this, but it's kinda old. Oh well, I'll post it now.

The river is dark and deep and wide,
the water, rough and cold.
Bobbing along the waters surface
are people both young and old.
Some people drown, some just float,
some will swim ashore.
As for me, I just stay,
and swim forevermore.
Against my weary limbs and lungs,
and the punishing current's strength,
I stay willingly in the river
and continue to swim its length.
Sometimes I think of giving up,
to drown and it be done,
but then I think of all I'd lose,
and with nothing won.
So still I swim the river of life,
forgetting all my fears,
and I hide my sorrows from myself,
for the waters wash my tears.

[grgur]

I really like this one ^_^

The thing I enjoy most about this poem is that the water seems to represent more than one issue people go through. To me that could portray and number of things that drag us down throughout our lives, and I think you did a really good job putting across the sentiment that it would be easier to just 'drown' sometimes.

I've noticed you're really good at ending poems (jealous), and this is just another example of that. Even though it has a bitter-sweet feeling to it throughout it seems to end on a positive note. As though something has been discovered that makes you want to keep swimming through that big old river anyway. There's not much else to analyze about it for me, beautiful rhythm, beautiful metaphors, beautiful poem. Nicely done.

[shiina]

Thank you