Starter

[JohnyDarko]

I adore being locked in an eternal battle with a person or force. This is the essence of an argument/debate. Chances are that the person against you won't be swayed but the point is that opinions are interesting. We are not all cookie-cut robots that think the same thing about every topic, and when we realize this we can go and find more people that will entertain our views, or even share similar ones.

Seeing as I am still being held as a slight captive visiting family, I feel like it is a fine topic. For the first time I can remember, I saw some pictures of my father when he was between 18 and 25. Not only did he not have his signature beard, but there was something about him I have never in my life been able to see. He looked just like me. It is true that at the right (or perhaps wrong time) that thought could have been very upsetting, but it made me think (here is the topic so stop skimming at this point and pay attention) Is it better to be different from your parents, or is it wiser to follow in their footsteps?

In my opinion, which will be debated for/against bellow by you if not ignored, my generation tries way too hard to be different. A rebellious phase does not mean you have to go get kicked out of your house and get arrested. It doesn't mean doing stupid things just because you know it will piss your parents off. As much as I hate certain things about certain family members, I still don't see the point in pissing them off when I gain nothing I want from it at all. I am not one for spite.

As far as being a little parrot on the shoulder of your mother and father, I would have to say it is just as bad. Less illegal probably, but it still cripples your chance of being an independent and functioning member of society. However, when not taken to extremes it can lead to a much closer family which may be the lesser of two evils. So surprisingly, I side with this half ever so slightly.

[Whimsical||MUSE;]

Oh. This topic is one that I’m a huge fan of – it’s something I’ve had to deal with for years before I came to terms with my childishness. After all of that, I found that though I felt I should look down on that self, I still remember what it felt like. And even now, I would still react the same way as I did before.

Most importantly: the rebellious phase isn’t necessarily about pissing off others. I think that’s the first thing that should be discussed – what is rebellion, in the case of you? You’re not fighting off a governing force that’s trying to squish your rights into pulp and use it as jelly for their bread in the morning. Rebellion isn’t just a statement, though a lot of people abuse the meaning of it; they use it to shield and justify their cruel acts of vengeance. The spirit of rebellion is something more potent– it’s the journey. Not just breaking free. Not just giving it to the man (who takes Hippies seriously anymore?).

The rebellious phase has been misnamed: it’s been abused and completely mangled, when it labels a child acting out against parents as “oh, it’s just your rebellious phase”. AND TO LABEL IT A PHASE is even more infuriating. A phase implies it’s something out of the ordinary, a temporary passion that’ll burn out eventually, and you’ll return to normal. But let’s honestly look at this:

Why do people act out? It’s not just for freedom – how many people get stuck with childhood nicknames they hated? It’s about growth – and because we are kids, were kids, we don’t know how to really cope with that feeling of inadequacy. You want to grow into who you are, but your parents and everyone else in your world is set on calling you the same thing, treating you the same way. You get to this point where you feel it’s impossible that no one’s noticed how much you’ve changed, how better you feel about yourself (or in some cases, how much worse you feel) and they just shrug it off as if your feelings are temporary. In that case, isn’t it natural to strike out? It hurts to be ignored, or worse – overlooked because what you’re feeling, and what hurts you the most, is just being written off as something that doesn’t actually matter in the world. And sure, in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t. Your teenage angst isn’t going to matter to starving people in Africa, to the victims of genocide, to the hungry, homeless, and orphaned children of the world. Your angst is petty, and stupid, developed because to the world, your life is perfect so you have to make up problems for yourself.

As someone who has gone through this inner turmoil, this desire to change, but feeling suffocated by the minisculity (made up word ftw) of what I’m feeling in comparison to the problems in the world, is constricting. You can't really grow, but you can definitely wither away into a ghost. Some people lash out, alter greatly, others just slowly fade away. But life isn’t like the movies – where you find someone who will help you return to your former self. I hate that, personally – as if that younger, happier, innocent self is the true you, that you can’t really change, you can only cover it up until someone brings you back to that past. Isn’t that suffocating? Horrifying? Parents can’t remember what it’s like to be miniscule – they’ve lived so long for their children that it’s hard realizing that maybe it’s better for them to fall down once in a while, if it means they’re getting somewhere on their own terms. Ignoring your children is even worse.

So following your parent’s footsteps? Rebelling, pissing them off? This question is just invalid. You’re making a claim based off aesthetics – you look like your father once looked. Therefore, do you feel like your father once felt? Maybe. Maybe not. You should ask -- without asking, this cycle starts all over again.

It’s the same as fate – some people are completely horrified by the idea that every step they take is predestined, and even the one they take to fight it. Other people use it as an excuse to fall into excess: well this is how I’m supposed to be, if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t want to do this.

I think it’s a matter of happiness. If there is understanding between everyone, and the lines of communication haven’t deteriorated, and you’re happy doing exactly what your father did, exactly what your mother did, then there is nothing wrong with following it. If you want it, then go for it. But it’s when passions are different – when you feel so constricted by being labeled the good girl, and everything inside you is screaming that you aren’t, you aren’t good, you don’t want to be nice to these people if you don’t want to that the “rebellious phase” comes up. It depends on your personality, too. Are you the kind of person that is co-dependent? Independence would scare you. Are you the type of the person who wants to go on adventures and never be tied down? You’re going to develop a chip on your shoulder.

I think by not reacting at all to what you’re feeling is the worst crime of everything you’ve said. By not doing anything you live an unlived life full of what ifs, and when you see yourself mirrored in a little girl, a little boy that can’t understand why you’re the way you are, it just starts the cycle all over again. The “rebellious phase” is cyclic, started by those who didn’t try to do what they secretly wanted to do.

It is a coping method, like crying, screaming, running. It is just trying to find out who you are -- so it's not really rebellious. It's just that some have to try harder, and bring more attention, than others. Well, so I tell myself.

[JohnyDarko]

I think that I agree in large to your statement "your life is perfect so you have to make up problems for yourself." It is the exact reason I can't watch all of those stupid reality shows about rich snobby people creating pointless drama. Maybe we have just created an infrastructure that is so perfect that we run out of things to complain about. I am the kind of person that will stir something up if I am incredibly bored because I am not thinking about consequences. When things are bad you always think about the impact of every single action so that things can get better. We can get too comfortable with the way things are and do things that we think we can get away with. For a lot of people, life is nothing but seeing how far you can push before things start to push back.

I love how you said that it isn't a phase, because after you go in you don't come out the same person you were before. It isn't something you grow into and then out of but rather something experience as you grow. You are right, it isn't about pissing off your parents unless you are just in it for the attention. In my opinion it is impossible to find out who and what you are without flailing around like a dumbass and finding out what you aren't in the process. There is no way to go from childhood to full blown maturity in one step. You simply can't just discover who you are at one point in time and instantly know that you have found all of who you are. It takes going to extremes sometimes, and possibly being 'rebellious' in the course of it all. The point is, that when all is said and done, you are a bigger person once you do and not the same little kid that started it all.

The whole topic of predestination was one that I never even thought about when I posted this starter. It fits surprisingly well in context and stuck a few thoughts in me. Genetically speaking even if we never see or parents we will always be a photo-copied blueprint of their DNA. No matter how hard we try, we can't break away from that. Even if we try to be radically different there is always a chance that they were the same way. This isn't really a bad thing, but sometimes it can create a feeling of being trapped on this set of rails. I just think making different stops and turns is a better thing to do than derailing your train.

Maybe trying to be different is a coping method for someone that doesn't like their parents and is afraid of turning into them. I can see it as a coping method in that way, or if you get sick of everything 'mainstream' and need a change of pace. But in a way I almost view the whole endeavor as a lack of coping more than anything. An inability to deal with the thought of your future self being set in stone doesn't scream 'coping' when it in reality can make this inability worse. I am probably just being pessimistic about it seeing as how I am struggling with it currently

The part that gets me is how some people can stay in this rebellious way of life for so long. Like that thirty-nine year-old man that tends bar until his 'band' takes off, with the tacky body piercings and tight leather pants. What is the point in breaking away from your parents, and into a stereotype? Do you really find your identity when you spend your whole life forcing yourself to be what society doesn't approve of? You should be that guy only if that is what you really, really feel happy doing. Not if you just want to do whatever you are expected to do to be considered a rebel.

Before we beat this to death with a nail strip, let me throw in another little thing (no need to make a new thread, right?) It still deals with family relations. Do you think it is better to come to terms with your differences and tell your family and friends about them, or should you just come to terms with yourself and keep it to yourself? As a very introverted person when it comes to family it has always been something I associated with breaking off from them. Mostly because if they knew everything about me, I would be broken away from everyone with a foot to show me the way out. Assuming who and what you 'are' isn't a front put on to give yourself attention, what do you think?

[mutt]

I kicked around how I was going to reply to this for a while, and I was having trouble finding the language to convey my contribution to this discussion, so bear with me a little.

The biggest problem with this thread is that everything you describe only works on a case by case basis. For me, I am always surprised by how different I am than my parents. I'm impulsive, I don't care about my social standing, and I have a lot of anger towards the government and want to do something about it. Conversely, my parents take days to plan dinner, are constantly cleaning and putting on an air of normalcy, and have a philosophy of not talking about politics.

However, I am also surprised when I find out that I'm not that different from them. Like when my mother confessed that she had trouble starting conversations with strangers. It was strange, I had always thought of my mother as being the social butterfly type, and was always a little envious of it because I have a horrible time talking to people I don't know. Or when I was sitting eating lunch with my father, and a rather silly scene unfolded involving a man and his inability to park his car. Simultaneously, me and my father said "Man, what a retard," and went back to eating. Since we had ordered the same thing, my mother exclaimed that it was like someone had placed a mirror there.

And... I'm pretty happy with the way I'm turning out. Am I going to fallow in my parents footsteps? Hell no, as far as I'm concerned they both are in a really boring place. I want to travel the world, they want to lounge around a pool. But will I take with me lessons that I was taught? Yah, yes I will. I think that this is the case with everyone, there are going to be aspects that you want to emulate, when talking about the parents, and there are going to be aspects that you reject.

As for being a rebel, it's odd to think of it now but the things I did in highschool are so unimportant now that I hardly recall the reasons. I failed classes, I wore a tail around (for almost 2 years solid) and I used to bring knives and other illegal things to school just to get away with it. And it was all good and great, but it was so meaningless. It wasn't until I was out doing things for myself that I started to understand even a little bit about who I was.

I remember, it was shortly after I moved out of my parents house, I went to the store. It was weird, because I am a fairly sensible person, I had shopped for myself plenty of times, and I had no desire to load up on junk food. But standing there I had this epiphany, this odd sort of sensation that I could now buy whatever I wanted. That there wasn't my mother to condemn me for only buying seven pounds of prime rib. I could, if I so chose, blow all my money on soda and die of kidney failure. No one could stop me. It was odd that it happened to me there, because I had made plenty of decisions on my own. Ive been a fiercely independent person forever (I got myself a job before I turned the legal age of employment, because I just promised the boss lady that I wouldn't tell anyone and as soon as I turned 14 I would get the permit) and it wasn't' like anyone would have stopped me before, but without the chain of living at home, it was different.

And heres the thing, I did more growing and discovery as a person in the year after I moved out than my entire life before then. Because I had the opportunity to do things, because I was making my own choices. In high school I wanted nothing to do with my parents. In the years after I slowly began regarding them with a lot more respect, and even trying the emulate some of the things I respected. I'm still not fallowing in their footsteps, so to speak, but I'm certainly not running away from the things they have to teach, and reflecting more heavily on what they taught me already.

So my advice, to anyone still living at home, is a sort of "dont' count your chickens before they hatch" thing. Because all the bullshit your putting up with now? It doesn't mean a fucking thing.


As for the second question being thrown around. About telling people or keeping it to yourself. As a person grows, the growth should become self evident to the people around without having to be told. If it's something like telling your parents your gay, I supose you could keep it to yourself, but unless you want to end up horribly unhappy they are going to find out.

On the flip side of that there are people who legitimately believe that their hobby or perversion or whatever needs to be public knowledge. And, surprise, it doesn't. I knew someone once that made this huge deal about telling his friends and family that he was into being the slave in a BDSM relationship. No one gave a fuck except the people that thought it was wrong. And to this day I do not understand the fascination some people have with making sure people know their secrets, because the only people that will care are people that take offense to it. It's basically trolling yourself.

As for sharing your problems with people, it can often be a good idea. Like, dude, I love this chick but she treats me like shit. And then your friend can slap some sense into you. Or support you through it, whatever. People have a lot to teach, and to learn all you have to do is listen. So far as I know, especially as someone that was made to see a psychiatrist, a therapists only real job is to listen. As it's been said, "words are the wings we give to our problems, so that they might fly away and leave us behind."

Anyway, looking back that seems like a really convoluted bunch of half ideas, but whatever. If anyone needs clarification just lemme know.

[JohnyDarko]

I felt like it was all good and clear for the most part. I will probably have to keep this short because I am on hotel WI-FI with my parents in the room, and I have loads of things to do like sleep and get something to drink before I go to sleep. That, and I am convinced the hotel can monitor everything I do on this network, which bothers me enough to no want to post a lot.

I think one of the best points you made was how a lot of the early things you do don't matter at all. You constantly grow but not when you just try to on a whim. And the smartest things I have heard all week (even if I did spend that week with family, it still means a lot) was that bit on how when you have some personal tid bit you feel the need to share, the only people that are going to care are the ones that disagree. In my experience this is true almost all of the time. You will find people that you tell, and are indifferent, against you, or in very rare cases the same way. Finding someone just like you is great, but you have to be prepared to meet much more opposition than support.

In my opinion, I am either some exception to the rule, or am just so mentally repressed it is ridiculous. I have completely stopped trying to get approval from my parents as far as who I am, and only care about what I do because I don't like conflict. i have reached a point in my life where I don't care to such a high degree that in genuinely concerns me. This week I lost an uncle, and a grandmother. I found out about a cousin and a second cousin that I never even knew existed, non the less had contact with other people in my family. I saw my remaining grandmother break down in tears because she found out her great grand child was hidden from her, and saw my mother crying in the kitchen when I woke up because of her mother. But for some reason, the loss of two family members, and the effects it had on the rest of my family evoked almost no emotion in me. So the only reason I am not open with my family is because I don't want to deal with the crap that might ensue.

On the other hand, when it comes to everyone else I am constantly paralyzed of the thought they don't accept me. Unless I wake up one day in an apathetic mood I use to get through the day I always wonder if I should open up to one of my friends. On a literal day to day basis I tell myself that I would be so much happier if this person, or that person just knew one more little thing about me. But I always decide (almost always) to just say hello and make polite conversation. And you know what? It works. The best relationships I have are with people that I don't open up to. It took a long time for me to realize that there is a huge difference in telling people everything about yourself, and showing them. And showing usually goes better.

I would whole heartily agree that problems are a different matter. Problems that are eating away at you need to be let out so they don't cause permanent damage. The line that I never really found was the one between a personal issue giving you some trouble, and a problem that you need to share. I am the kind of person that you could tell anything to, because at the very worst you will get apathy, which is what you would get if you say nothing to me at all in the first place, or a general acceptance. It's just hard for me to think of other people as being different in that respect.

I probably went off on five different topics just now, but my mind doesn't work in linear thought. I also had the room to myself for a bit, and love being able to type without people asking me what I am doing, or staring at me. Lets see...what else... The whole discovery as a person thing. I firmly believe that my father hovered over me, and pushed me into every aspect of my life to try and make me grow up good and proper. But you are right, you grow up most when you are truly alone to do everything for yourself, not just left unsupervised for one moment in time. Every time you think about how what you do affects things around you socially, you alter what it is you plan to do. The big overbearing/vs neglecting parents debate is also something I feel doesn't work. It takes a very special child with some spark of realization during his or her life to grow up correctly on either extreme. And every good scientist knows what happens with multiple uncontrollable variables.

I suppose I could go on to debate that, or natural talent vs acquired skill, stay on this topic or do a million other things. But thinking about things I can think of is no fun, because they have been thought about already, hence why they are in my head! So I am counting on you guys to make me think. I want to have a mental breakdown over how hardcore my brain spasm is when I read the post under this one.

[mutt]

So I thought about my response for a while. Still thinking about it, actually, overthinking things is one of my favorite hobbies. And... I think there needs to be some focus, so I'll start with one issue that seems to be recurring in this topic. The idea of telling people things, acting out, etc. They really are all related.

Social dynamics and social intelligence are very strange, and very hard to understand. The ideas of when to say something, how to act, what to do to direct the flow of a conversation or to understand what someone actually means vs what they say (Would you like to come up stairs to see my drawings?) Entire universities are devoted to it's study and even they don't understand it all. But there are basic guidelines, and various philosophies on sharing yourself with people.

There are all sorts of people we interact with every day. Good friends, coworkers, enemies, family, etc. And we interact differently with all of them. Even within the circles there are serious differences from the way we interact with person to person. Maybe it's a hard thing to accept, but that is really ok. I have friends that I talk politics with, but I would never in a million years divulge any details from my relationships. Conversely there are people who I only know because they need to know all the details of my relationships, but we *don't* talk politics. I consider both these people good friends, mind you, but I certainly don't need to tread into their uncomfortable zones. These people accept me for who I am, even if they don't know the whole story.

Maybe it'd be easier to illustrate with a little fiction. We'll be focusing on two things. Acceptance, and the choices you have in a social situation.

Lets say one day you decide that your path to happiness is to unleash your inner child. Your early inner child. So you begin to wear diapers around. Why not, right? It's just a different kind of underwear. (also, I can use this without accusing anyone on the forum or getting close to any real topics) But it's really outside social norm, most people aren't to keen on accepting it.

Now, there are of course going to be people you interact with. You can't avoid all the people you knew Before Diapering (Henceforth known ad B.D.) and being around some of those people will be really embarrassing. If you live at home, the first people you will have to interact with are your family members. You have some choices (these choices will appear a lot)

You can:
Tell them
Don't tell them, but don't hide it either
Avoid telling at all costs.

Each choice has their own positives and negatives, but it all comes down to the relationship you have with your family. If you tell them outright, you run the greatest risk. In my family there really are no secrets. On the same margin, if I told my family that I had decided to wear diapers around they would say “Well, you never could do things normally. Don't leak on the furniture” (My parents are pretty blunt.) However, if the family is not very accepting of the out of ordinary, the only real response you can get is one of anger/shame, perhaps being kicked out. So, not a good option if normal is a precedence.

So you can't tell them, but maybe if they find out on their own it won't be so bad. This is true in a lot of cases. Family members are people too, and as they figure things out for themselves they understand the situation better (believe me when I say your parents know a lot about you, and in many cases have been there. I once new a chick who was real into BDSM. After an abusive relationship, she was talking to her mother for consolation trying her hardest not to bring the SM part into the discussion. However, this was making some holes in the story, and her mother stopped her and said “Look, honey, I know you think I'm blissfully unaware of your lifestyle, but lets just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.” True story.) This option will not work, however, if your family is already teatering on the edge of disowning you. Then any excuse will be taken and used against you, leaving you with the final option. Hide it.

Of course there are risks, but in order to preserve peace sometimes it's necessary to just not say anything. In many cases, this isn't a sign of a weak relationship. Simply that they are comfortable not knowing things about you, and you need to be aware of that. Being that it's family, this is often something that happens earlier in life, but is resolved later in life. Ten years from now you might finally confess to your mother about the time you smoked a ton of weed but blamed it on the neighbor, and it'll be alright then.

The next type of person you'll encounter is your close friends. Your close friends are friends that will pretty much accept you no matter what. That's the reason they are your close friends. You can strait up tell them, but really, do you need to? Will they care? More than likely the flow of social politics will play out as fallows. You show up and see them as normal, just like B.D. They don't notice, and this continues for a while. Then, one day your at the pub downing your fourth snakebite and one of your good friends pipes up with “Dude, you like haven't used the restroom all evening. What the hell, ive had to pee every ten minutes and I think your drinking more than I am.”

And you'll be all “Oh, actually I decided to wear diapers.”

And your friend will be all “Dude, right on. I mean, that's kinda weird, but whatever. You're buying the next round right?”

Or maybe they'll join you. Friends are weird like that. But if you have to hide things from your good friends, you might want to consider choosing new good friends. Maybe knock them down a tier to the next people you'll come across, your casual friends.

Now casual friends are those ones that you see every so often, and maybe sometimes have deep meaningful discussions with, but you wouldn't count on it. Maybe they are the classmates you get along with. Maybe you only see them when you both meet at your regular eating spot. These could be coworkers you get along with, or just the people in the party your at. Do they need to know all about you? Not really. In fact a lot of these kind of relationships work because they don't know more about you than is necessary. The guy you always talk sports with might hate you if he knew you were a republican. The girl you always hang out with at the republican meetings with might stop talking to you permanently if she knew you were a Broncos fan.

By that token, though, don't' go out of your way to hide who you are from these people. If they find out about you and can't accept it, you haven't really lost anyone. If they do, maybe they are a better friend than you give them credit for. Telling them outright would be a lot of risk, with very little reward. Chances are they won't be accepting, it'll be outside their bubble of how they think of you. Hiding it is a lot of effort though, and may be too confining for the reward of keeping their friendship. There will be some that it's worth it to hide yourself from, like when you need them because they know the best place to get imported manga.

Now, you will next come across people like coworkers you aren't friends with, bosses and teachers. These kind of people are necessary relationships that you will have to work at all times to maintain. Unfortunately it means that, in most cases, you'll be keeping yourself to yourself. You could tell them, or let them find out, but chances are nothing good will come of it. And with so much to risk, there really isn't a reason to. How many times have you sat and wondered “Gee, I really wish I knew more about my bosses personal life” Never? That's normal, because it's business. Your boss feels the same way about you. Teachers, Postal Workers, etc. People you *have to* interact with. No good will come from them knowing everything about you, and even some would try to use it against you. There are people you don't have to interact with, though.

They are called strangers. They fall under the category of who cares. Want to tell a stranger that you wear diapers? Go for it. They will probably look at you funny and maybe call you offensive things. Honestly, though, it's probably better if you don't. They don't know you, you don't know them. Hiding things doesn't make any difference. Society will shoebox you anyway, strangers will see what they want to see. If they want to arbitrarily label you as a freak, they are going to be looking for an excuse to do so. I say don't make any extra effort either way. Most people would like to assume that you are in fact normal anyway.

Sifting through strangers, though, is how you will probably meet new people, so do use some discretion. And if you happen to meet your future Significant Other, you'll really have to tread lightly. Hopefully your future S.O. Will at least obtain the status of close friend. If not, you'll have to tell them outright about why you crinkle when you sit down. Otherwise it'll get awkward, you really shouldn't be dating someone that won't accept you for whatever reason.

Man, we have whittled away a lot of people. But there are still two categories I think are worth discussing. The first is people who you seek because they share your interest. Maybe your sitting around one day surfing the net and you find a diaper wearers group in your area, and you attend. This is a good place to randomly bring up the fact that your diapered, because it's kind of expected. Imagine showing up to an AA meeting and saying “Hi, my name is Bob and I don't drink.” First off, no one will believe you, second off, if it were true you have no business being there. So be proud. This is the place to do it and get your dose of acceptance. Strip of those pants and show proudly your padded behind. Just, yknow, remember to put them back on when you walk out.

The final group of people that you will interact with are the people that will know you anonymously. People who will not know who you are. This is a great chance to either totally be who you are (talk in baby talk all day. Who care?) or really be someone your not. Act. This is the internet, by the way. Where you can hide behind a screen name and rant about how the US needs to adopt Nazi Rule, something you definitely wouldn't do in public. Ever. You probably would keep your best friends away from that one, but you don't' need to if your anonymous, because who the hell will know? You can tell all your secrets away without fear of repercussion. You can also hide anything, because there is not a way to find out your lying. It's not very fulfilling for that reason, and most people will just make fun of you. Also, remember to hide your information, you don't need future employers googleing your name and finding out everything. That would be bad.

So in short, there are people to tell and share yourself fully with. There are people that you need to share as little as possible with in order to maintain yourself. And then there are people that you can share a little bit with, but not too much. And that is all OK.




There. That was my two bits on that subject. We'll see if conversation brings us to any other subjects, but knowing the meandering course this has taken I think I'll hold out on writing any more out.

[JohnyDarko]

Did someone say meander? What a splendid idea! But you had so many great thoughts, I feel it would be a shame if I didn't give my opinion on them first. And first off, this trend of each post being longer than the last is going to kill me an my competitive nature.

I would like to give you props on finding a relevantly plausible, and non-offensive example to discuss this topic with. I don't think it applies to any one here, and even if it did I always get a kick when people talk about things right in front of me when they don't know that part of me. On several occasions that has actually happened and its a great way to see how people you know would act about a topic when they aren't trying to spare your feelings.

You made a statement that I am admittedly too lazy to find after re-reading most of it already, about how your S.O should fall in the close friends group. I have determined that the less people know about me, the more they like me in almost every case. So I am perfectly fine with looking for a relationship with a casual friend under the impression that I will never tell them about many of my habits and interests that aren't considered normal. If I could find a close friend that I felt comfortable enough to tell those kinds of things, I would be deeply embedded in the 'friend zone' by that point.

When a person knows EVERYTHING about you it is impossible to not feel vulnerable. This is not a good thing in a relationship because if the relationship ends, you will always be left with a feeling that everyone is going to know. I have one singular friend in real life that knows most of the things about me, and it can be a burden more then a blessing. Not to say it isn't nice, because I know I can trust this person, but there will always be that exposed feeling. Did she need to know? Maybe when I thought of her as a potential S.O, but in hind site no. I am fine with controlling how much of myself I am around certain people as long as It doesn't turn into controlling who I act like.

~The more I see the less I know, the more I'd like to let it go~ R.H.C.P

Strangers really don't factor into my view of this topic directly. The way I see it, they fit in after you factor in the anonymously know people. I have found a website forum before that had everything thing ever about a topic i was looking into, and It was a great relief to find people like me, and expand my knowledge of everything that surrounded it. We will call it Diaper world to keep up with the analogy. Now some of the witty people reading this may think "But those people are all anons aren't they?" Why yes. Yes they are. But these anons are a mixed bag, and while some are casual diaper wearers, others raid stores and burn normal undergarments as well as clogging every public toilet they can find. "And that makes them no-anons?" No, that doesn't change that fact, and while they differ from your views, you never have to deal with them face to face. Now to bring it all together.

You walk down the street and are at a bus stop. Your diaper is peeping out from your waistband, and you catch a stranger looking at you. Now he has placed you in a category. Chances are, the only things he knows about you and your radical group of diapered brethren come from the negative news that surfaces about the extremists. Now you aren't just different, but you are viewed as the very person online that you don't support in any way. This happens ALL THE TIME, and in a different context has happened to me more than once. The world has a closed mind, and it is not afraid to close itself even if you are in the doorway. And that isn't a witty metaphor for "the world bites" It just shows how it is hard to have one foot 'in' the box, and straddle the fence on normal and different. You either get cast out completely, retreat back inside, or get cut in half pretending to be different things to different people.

On the flip side of that, I have found another site for a different facet of my individualism that I can generally agree with. Anons are a great tool for expressing who you are to people that are the same, or can't do anything to you if the disagree. Internet drama doesn't really exist, because you can always just leave. That random user isn't forcing you to keep up your half of the fight. So you can be whatever, or whoever you want without consequence.

I also find it hard to share 'just a litte but' with someone. For example you can't say "I don't like conventional underwear" and then not have questions asked that lead to you being exposed as a diaper fanatic. So there are some things that you can't share at all if you don't want them to know more about it eventually. If your friend walks up to you and you invite her to sit down but she waves you off and says "Nah, I can't sit right now." aren't you going to ask why? "I am wicked sore from this new piercing I got" Are you going to leave it at that either? You would probably be at least intrigued if she left it at that. So what if it was a belly button ring that snagged on her shirt and made it painful to stand up? You still would have assumed the worst thing you could think of at every step of the conversation. Admit it. If not, then you are a fabulous person, or so naive it makes me sick.

I truly feel that there is no one person that would ever feel comfortable knowing everything about me, but there are people that know bits and pieces. The conception that you have to be accepted fully by one person is flawed. Why not just get accepted some here and some there? If you need justification for who you are, then you still get it without risking the loss of one person by telling them too much.

Now I don't want to ramble, as I have nothing else planned out So I will just wait for the next wonderful post with some new ideas.